A few days ago, we rescued a dog from the local shelter. They told us that, for the initial period, we should limit the area that he uses in the house to help his transition. So, we gave him a room on the ground floor, put up baby gates in the two entryways to the room, and hung out there with him for a lot of the time. (Putting those baby gates up brought back old memories – but that’s a different article).

At one point, we left him alone in his area, and the last person who left him closed the baby gate. We could hear him whine and howl because he wanted out of the room and to be with us. When I went back down to check on him about half an hour later, he had his paws on the baby gate and was excited to see me. As I took in the situation, I realized that the other gate had been open the whole time. It fascinated me that all he had to do was turn his head to see the other gate, and he could have simply left the room and come to us.

He had been completely focused on the closed gate, which had prevented him from seeing the obvious alternative solution.

As I smiled about the dog, it hit home for me as I realized that I frequently experience this scenario as well. Often, we are so focused on something that we lose sight of the bigger picture – and we lose the ability to find a solution to a challenge.

This happens even more when we are entrenched in our habits and patterns. This is true both at work and in our personal lives.

The key to solving our challenges is to be able to change our focus: We need to be able to go deep into the challenge, but we also need to step away and look at it from a distance. So, when stuck, change the focus.

Make it real

As the holidays are coming up, we’re about to meet relatives and friends with whom we have had long relationships. Many of these relationships follow deeply established patterns, and our behavior is often habitual. Some of the people we meet might be difficult to deal with (and we are already bracing for having, yet again, the same annoying conversation with the same obnoxious relative). Over the next few days, don’t focus on this (like my dog focused on just one gate). Instead, redirect your focus by engaging differently in the conversation: each time you are inclined to engage in an argument, get curious instead and ask about your relative’s perspective of the story.