“Doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting different results is the definition of madness.”
(often attributed to Albert Einstein, although we don’t really know for sure)
Most of us have heard this quote before, and we may even smile a little because it seems so obvious. Yet, we do it more often than we realize.
It becomes obvious for me when I ask my teenage son after school (for the umpteenth time), “How was your day?” The response is usually some form of grunt or – if I’m really lucky – a bored “Good.”
The same plays out in conversations at work (even though it may be a bit more friendly and go on for longer). It’s less noticeable when the other person is polite and plays along in repeating the conversation. Sometimes, we feel trapped in the same conversation because we already know what’s coming next in the dialogue – or we feel trapped in the same challenge and repeat the same action again and again.
If you are in a leadership position, this can cause even more frustration – both for the leader and team. You may ask your team something but keep getting the same unsatisfying response or reaction (for the team, it feels like they are trapped in a Groundhog Day movie experience of leadership).
Sometimes, we even engage in this kind of conversation, knowing full well what’s coming. We hope that the other person will finally say or do something different so that we finally get to a different outcome. Yet, the other person feels just the same way, and you both remain stuck.
There’s a way out. It’s both simple and easy (with a couple of minutes of preparation). The really simple part: start asking different questions. We tend to ask the same questions and go about things in the same way. When we change the questions we ask, we get different answers, and it sheds new light onto the situation. So, how do we get to new questions? That’s the part that takes a few minutes of preparation. . . .
Find a colleague or friend who can help you for five minutes. Explain the challenge, conversation, or situation in sufficient detail (without overwhelming him or her). Then invite that person to ask as many questions as possible, which will provide more insights about what you have described. Time two minutes for the questions. During this time, don’t interrupt – just listen and write down the questions. This is not about responding to the questions or clarifying anything for the other person. It’s about you hearing new questions that can be used in this situation.
You’ll be amazed by how many questions the other person can think of that didn’t occur to you. Then, use those new questions to get unstuck.
Make it real
Watch out for situations where you feel that you’ve “been here before” and are reliving the same situation. Find someone to do the above activity with, capture new questions, and use them.